It is a Sad, Sad Day.

i don't want to believe this, but it's true.

for the longest time, my dream job has been to work at the Weekly World News. but now my dreams are shattered. sure, sure, they'll have an online edition, but it's not the same. retouching photos for screen display at 72 dpi isn't as meaningful as getting that alien shadow *just so* on a tabloid-size 300dpi image.

i was already bummed out about the temples on Tisha B'Av, and now this. if you need me, i'll be curled up in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

Customer "Service" Update

so i called George back an hour later. to his credit, he answered the phone. the first email they sent me was supposed to be sent to someone else (thus, it made no sense). fine. then things went downhill.

see, George tried to convince me it was my fault they printed wrong. i was half agreeing with him, actually, because their site isn't very user friendly and i didn't scroll down, thus making it my 'fault'... but i half didn't agree because their site isn't clear, for one thing, and they don't specify a couple things that made a difference. so i'm thinking, ok, lesson learned, George will give me a refund....

WAIT! NO! he's still trying to tell me it's totally my fault. i explain to him i sent the file exactly as they specified, and since they don't explain their 'instant proof' process, the reason it f*ed up, that it's not really my fault... and then it gets worse. because George tries to tell me vector files have resolution.

now, i have been doing my job for nearly 10 years. if there is one thing i am certain of (and probably there is only one thing), it is that i know how to do my job. i have never had a job print wrong due to my error. i know my files. i know the difference between vector and raster.

i don't know how long the phone call went on, but i do know this: even if the customer's wrong, for less than $50 you can explain why their head is up their ass and still make them happy by offering a credit or refund. BEFORE they spend time and patience arguing with you on the phone. because what's better, a few bucks, or a customer that keeps ordering with you and spreads the word?

don't get me angry, George. you won't like it when i'm angry.

i finally did get the credit. being a bitch can really pay off.

How Did i Miss This?

Brilliant Cat.


And the same (or very similar) Cat at Work.

Customer "Service" and "Quality" Control

you all know where this is heading. please, permit me to rant a bit about a topic that has (more than likely) touched everyone personally.

Customer "Service."

here's my frustrating little tale. i ordered business cards for my company on the internets. see, my company (those of you who know who i work for save your obvious jokes) is too cheap to have something like a business credit card. so instead of spending $55 + shipping for 500 business cards (that's 11¢ a card before shipping) at the place that lets us have an account, i decide to pay for some less expensive cards and put in an expense report for them. silly me.

i am a designer and production artist. it is what i do. it is what i have done, for a living, for nearly 10 years now. i'm pretty good. i prepared a file and uploaded it.
the cards they sent came out wrong (i will not bore ya'll non-designers with details). i check my file. it's correct. i call customer service. they tell me to write "Quality" Control (the folks of which are obviously not doing their job). i do. they offer a nearly nonsensical explanation, complete with grammatical errors. i write telling them this (not the grammar part). they tell me to call "Quality" Control, specifically a man named George Kelli. the email telling me this is also full of grammatical mistakes and appears to be written by someone who has English as his or her second language.

their business hours are 8am to 5pm pacific. i call at 8:10 pacific/11:10 eastern. a lady named Lynette answers at Customer Service. i tell her i would like to reach George, and she puts me on hold and then disconnects me.

i call again. this time a lady named Jaime answers. Jaime puts me on hold and comes back to tell me George is not in. also, he does not have a direct outside extension so everytime i call George, i must go through Customer "Service." Jaime transfers me to George's voice mail, where i leave a curt message explaining the situation, and give him my office and cell numbers.

now, i know George won't call me back. i will be SHOCKED if George calls me back. i will be even more shocked if this is resolved to my satisfaction. so i will have to go through Customer "Service" several times today alone attempting to reach him -- maybe if i fill his voice mail he will get back to me -- probably only to get reprints but have to pay additional shipping (IF i'm lucky).

also, in the second "Quality" Control email, they put in this line "Unfortunately, if we do not receive a reply within five (5) business days of this email being sent, we will not be able to further accommodate you in regards to this issue."

what do i get if George doesn't contact me in five days?

bastards.

Surprisingly Lifelike

i got it here.

The Month In Review

actually, that's not true. i know i haven't written for a month, but it's been a crazy busy month, and i just don't feel like going into it. so i'll just go on about this weekend.

The Perfect End to The Perfect Party

that's not true, either. the party i went to wasn't perfect. but it was pretty good.
see, i'm in this band, aubriot. and the guitarist/songwriter of aubriot knows one of the hosts, and she has been to our shows, and so i was invited.

it was a pretty big party which i think is good when you don't know anyone. makes it easier to kind of lose yourself. i had these terrible bacardi flavored drinks in bottles and the first one tried to kill me by having broken glass at the top. but maybe it only happened that way because i'm a pansy and instead of actually twisting off the twist-off cap i assumed it needed an opener... my poor little hands :)

there was a british guy who was loud and obnoxious in that intelligentsia literary way, the way only people with useless english degrees can be obnoxious. he was fun. my friend stole his lighter.

there was also a cat who, and i am not shitting you on this, was named Rock Star. the small group i had found to socialize with was out back, in the alley (one of those alleys where there are garages and parking for the houses), and late in the evening here comes Rock Star, lovin' on all the ladies' legs. he snuck up on the girl i was talking to and made her jump by walking through her legs without so much as a how-do-you-do. we lavished attention on him, this cat that had the big tom cat face but just wanted to be pet and have his tummy rubbed... a pretty boy with no visible signs of being in fights, no tattered ears, no patchy fur, no limp... he was lovable and loving and my friend went inside and took shrimp from the hors d'oeuvres table and brought it to Rock Star. turned out Rock Star wouldn't eat it unless we broke it into small pieces.

because he's a Rock Star, duh.

Rock Star got about half a dozen shrimp over the course of the evening. eventually i left. i had had a few but was by no means drunk, or even really tipsy... it was nearly 4am and i was tired...

while driving from woodley park to get to the 14th street bridge, i got in a car accident. it was awesome for a couple reasons. one, i have not been in an multi-car accident before -- i rear-ended someone lightly once, and my car has slid off the road, but this was my first time getting rear-ended by more than a light tap. it's awesome because it's surprising. because you have that little bit of time to think before your car hits the car in front of you and it's all confusion. because the change in the little 'ash tray' of my car popped out and scattered about. because the tape in my tape deck removed itself.

and then i'm like, uh, ok. before i could think of getting out, the fellow in the car in front of me was out and coming by asking if i was ok. turns out he's ex-marine, driving his marine lady-friend back to base. the girls behind us were marines, as well -- at least one of them. the drunk passenger was having a freak out, then later the driver started having a freak out. they were nice but a little emotional.

the 5-0 were there pretty much immediately. what happened was, a taxi stopped short at a corner, the car behind taxi stopped, i stopped, girls stopped... guy behind girls didn't stop in time. everyone was pissed at the taxi, because it's one of those universal injustices -- the guy who REALLY caused the accident isn't even legally at fault. i can't (by my nature) be all "the law is SO B.S." because i understand why it's now the nice young man who apologized behind us all's fault... but still.

i hate DC taxis.

anyway, the car is fine. V-dubs rock that way. i've got some bumper damage but it's less than my deductible, so i won't be getting it fixed. it's just dents, anyway, not even cracks or breaks. everyone else was ok (freak-outs aside), but the girl behind us did have her muffler jostled loose and had to call a tow truck.

i was furious the rest of the night.

pretty good party, anyway.