some thoughts in winter.

ok, so i hadn't seen March of the Penguins, ever, because as much as i lurv the little buggers i just wasn't into watching a narrated nature film. srsly, the closest i get is like, Milo & Otis. or what was that other one, the Incredible Journey or something like that? but i just read (ok, ok, i know i'll be made fun of for being clueless for this) that there are penguins who die in March of the Penguins. they show them. freezing. to. death.

i am so sad i know this now.

i guess i should've known this, already, just by using my powers of mental thinking, but i opted to not think about it, and i was happy with my denial, thank you very much. this comes on the heels of a lingering low-grade depression of late, and a sad moment on my trip to western NY.

i was out walking in my grandmother's 'field' while trying to digest a pie. there are a couple paths (car-wide) cut through the brush, so i followed one down past the stream that (mostly) marks the property lines... like so many times before. i've walked this in winter, spring, summer, and autumn. it's a casual nature trail, with deer, coyotes, turkeys, foxes, rabbits, rodents – you name it – all living, or commuting, through the area. on that particular trip, i saw no creatures milling in the early twilight (just my luck). just tracks. i managed to identify a fox trail and several crossing deer trails.

i followed the fox trail for a while before turning back -- he had the same idea, i suppose, about staying out of the brush and had conveniently walked along the side of the path most of the way up, way past the stream and cross path that marks the property bounds. on my way back, i spotted something in the snow on the cross path, just a few feet off the path i was on. it was the frozen body of a fox. it had clearly fallen sometime during the snowfall of the past couple days, and was half-covered by the snow. he lay on his side. the fur was a radiant red, with perfect, beautiful long black-furred legs, and a large ear protruding from the snow. he wasn't curled up. he just lay, as if he had fallen over in mid-stride. his eye had sunken in and had snow and ice in the depression. a couple yellowy teeth could be seen in the slightly open mouth. his tail was, i imagine, hidden under the snow... possibly gone, if he'd been in a fight. but there were no signs of trauma. no blood. no wounds. he lay, beautifully preserved, asleep with a slightly angry look.

i was sad, but not so much a city girl that i didn't comfort myself with the nature of nature... he had starved or frozen, and such things happen, and have happened, to more creatures than this. but he was so beautiful, and i coveted this thing. i wanted to dig him up out of curiosity, but i hadn't worn my gloves. and then what? take him to a taxidermist? touch the body of a dead wild animal?

my adult thoughts won over my child-like feelings and i walked back to the house, still desiring, deep inside, to possess this wild thing, so still and fierce and lost. i'm not sure why the feeling lingers. maybe i want to save him yet, to keep his beauty from being ravaged. but what good would that do? what is there to save?

it's amazing how such a small thing can stir such emotions. on my way back in the house, my cousin asked me in the driveway if i saw anything. i answered, "just a dead fox."

just a dead fox.

Defending My Honour.

i went up to see the maternal family (sans the actual maternal unit, still residing in Fla.) for xmas. drove 8 hours xmas eve, got up at 9:15 and started eating by 10am xmas day. left at 4am december 26 to my aunt asking "are you sure you don't want me to fix you anything to eat?"

the highlight of my trip came after xmas dinner at my grandmother's house. i had been very careful to not eat excessively; that has been a regular regret nearly every trip. well, it *is* home cooking, after all... how can there be such a thing as too much? anyway, my other aunt, Shirley, asked which pie i would like. i replied that any pie would suffice -- she made like 7 different ones. she jokingly brought a chocolate cream pie to me, complete and whole in its tin (i believe it's called a chocolate cream pie -- it's basically thick chocolate pudding in a crust with whipped cream on top, and chocolate shavings on that if you go the extra mile). i chuckled and accepted the pie, asking for my fork, which she brought. then i looked at her sincerely and said, you know, i will eat the whole thing. Shirley said "good!"

at this point, there was talk in the kitchen and my cousin John seemed to believe i could not finish the entire pie. there was nothing left but to defend my pie-eating honour.

i had to take a break about 7/10ths in to walk outside. but i finished the pie. John said it didn't count because i didn't eat all the whipped cream, but i think it did. besides, the whipped cream tickles my throat and started to make me feel like puking.

i am awesome.

Let Them Laugh

yes, let them mock me, bundled in my down parka with gloves and scarf. at least i'm warm.

Can You Tell the Difference?

this is the 'other thing' i alluded to doing over a past weekend. it's hard to tell in the photo, though.

PA is kinda sad, sometimes

and kinda (prolly inadvertently) funny. witness "Jersey Shore:"



right in the heart of PA -- even further inland than Scranton.
Scranton!

Went Ice Skating

and i didn't fall down!

granted, i only circled the rink a few times. but still, props to me for not injuring my physical or mental self.

my real estate agent and his associates had a family ice skating party at the Reston Town Center, so i went cos a couple friends were going (also clients of my agent) and what the hell. yeah, it was raining off and on, but mostly it was fun. santa was there, too, but all he gave me was a candy cane.

i did something else this weekend, too, but i won't blog that 'til i get the pix.