Pikshahs!

the promised photos and video from Monsieur Pants.


talking to our instructor.


Kunk rockin’ the “Staying Upright” portion of the game.



and again, fully upright and gliding down the mountain.


slowly, slowly, she slides down the slope... oops! Pants is too nice and didn’t film my entire spectacular tumble.


more of me ’boarding.


Kunk doing well... we all fall down.


steadily she makes her way...

The Board, The Snow, and The Astonished Woman

the past saturday marked my fourth trip snowboarding, and a confusing time for me.

this trip took us to RoundTop (“Where the Logos Are Designed By Hippies” - unfortunately i have no documentation of this), which is the farthest of the Pants-approved slopes. a daring young Kunk joined us on this trip, as well, and i was glad for the company. there is photo and video of this outing, but as i don’t have it in my possession at the moment i must let the suspense build.

it was a 2.5 hr trip out there, after stopping to rescue Kunk from the clutches of the WMATA and fueling ourselves on McDonald’s breakfast chow, but well worth the haul. RoundTop is my favorite mountain of all the ones we have visited. i was sporting my brand-new-i-forgot-to-break-them-in snowboard boots, and Pants had a shiny new just-received-the-day-before snowboard to try out. Kunk didn’t have anything new, but since i was informed this was only the second time in her life she’d gone snowboarding, i figured it was ok.

we rented our equipment, changed our clothes because it was reeeally warm on the mountain, and headed to the learner’s slope. Pants showed Kunk how to skate, turn, and glide, and then there was an actual first-timer’s lesson. this was the FOURTH first-timer’s lesson i’d taken, and the first occasion that i was not the WORST in the class; in fact i was almost the best. almost. we skipped out early (just like the time before with Ms. McHidingersons); Kunk seemed to get the gist of it and there were necessary potty breaks to be had. they don’t stop that class for nothin’.

my favorite part of the class was as we milled around the foot of the bunny slope, and a woman in red, on skis, came toward our group. she was shrieking in these short, piercing yelps, as the instructor up the hill called out encouraging directions. she executed her turn, didn’t fall or collide with anyone, and looked like she had just survived an auto accident, her fists clenched about her ski poles and her body clearly tensed, noticeable even under her fluffy ski apparel. i thought it was funny until i realized she wasn’t relaxing even after stopping, and then i thought maybe she was one of the adaptive learners... well, later on Kunk came to a slow halt (and fall) near the Shrieking Lady and her instructor on the bunny slope, and the Shrieking Lady shrieked (bien sûr) and stared at Kunk, who was sitting harmlessly in the snow, with her eyes wide, her body tensed, unable to flee on her cumbersome skis but unable to realize there was no danger, until her instructor calmed her enough to scoot her away from the location of the trauma. i’m pretty sure she wasn’t one of the adaptive people; i’m pretty sure she was just a little odd.

things went great. Kunk didn’t fall her first time off the lift, and magically seemed to have the hang of snowboarding within an hour. i was furiously jealous and thought about deliberately crashing into her, but didn’t. actually, i’m kidding, Kunk did do splendidly but i was more in awe and pleased that at least SOMEBODY seems to understand this stupid sport. Pants coached her down the slope, and i added mostly unhelpful advice (not quite along the lines of “don’t fall” but pretty close).

we descended the slope with joy, and then descended on some nachos and four dollar sodas. the nachos were delightfully stale, salty chips doused in quickly congealing velveeta; no tomatoes, onions, or peppers in sight. Pants stole an orange soda (thereby making it all the sweeter). he claims it was inadvertent, but we all know the truth.

and then the confusing time. it was just about time for us to leave, Kunk was worn out, and Pants was ready to pack it in... and i didn’t want to go. i begged for one more run down the easy slope, and kindly my companions obliged. Kunk actually waited patiently at the lodge, and Pants accompanied me. i went down the slope again, and almost felt in control. i didn’t panic when i went backwards. the board started doing what i willed it to do. sure, i fell some more, but only when i was a little over my head; i fell when i kept pushing instead of taking the safe route of stopping.

today my calves hurt, but the rest of me is whole, and i want to go again.

if i gotta work...

this job ain’t half bad.

i could go on about the good feeling here, the consummate professionalism, the lack of antagonistic tendencies, the lack of scrutiny and abundance of trust that the job will be done and will be done well...

before i post a couple pictures from today, i just want to note that i will be hitting the slopes again tomorrow, with my very own snowboard boots that i bought, and i hope it will be as delightful as last time. also, i took some clothes (four shirts, two pairs of slacks) in to be dry-cleaned for the first time in i don’t know how long, and it will be THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS. i believe i’ll be washing at home from now on.

i asked for mouse ears when co-workers were attending one of our conferences held in Orlando, FL.




yes, those are monkeys behind me.

also, i’ve been sick for a couple days, so i put this sign up to warn folks.


oh, and here’s the bio i wrote when it was requested:

Cate Meyers has been successfully designing and producing projects and publications for over a decade. Armed with a B.A. in Graphic Design, she’s run the gamut of publication work, from signage to corporate identity to catalogs. While other designers cower before deadlines, Cate ensnares them in a full nelson and demands their submission. She’s also been known to MacGyver some fantastic designs out of just a one-button mouse and a single software program, endearing her to many a budget-conscious manager. Microsoft Word, however, remains her kryptonite.

Despite initial artistic criticism (from her parents, regarding unauthorized bedroom wall painting) Cate forged ahead, getting her GED as soon as legally possible in order to start college two years early. After a brief fling with photojournalism, she discovered graphic arts, a field that allows her to remain gainfully employed doing something she loves.

When she’s not saving the world from poor typography, Cate plays music, listens to music, and writes music. She can also be found knitting, baking, sewing, making jewelry, playing video games, and occasionally sitting still, though not for very long. Cate’s most proud of her perfect teeth (no cavities!) and the fact that she's never, ever broken a single bone in her body. Some disapprove of her irreverent attitude, but she feels if the work must be done, why not have a good time doing it?

mad props to skarziproodthingidingersons for the edit/re-write assistance.

i’m going to say no, anyway.

stuff like this makes me nauseated.

fancy!

i was kindly invited by the youngest Groodthing to a formal event two Saturdays past. Ms. Groodthing-Hidingersons is a new hire at a company that does some obscure stuff that i don’t really understand. what i can say is, they primarily do government contracting; i realize that’s most businesses in the greater (lesser?) D.C. area.

i think they’re a typical contract-y bunch, bureaucratic by proxy, with their corp-speak and military connections. they have a delightfully non-descript name, like “Infocorp” and “Interglobal” and “Compudyne” and “Procomm” and “Bizco.” but as this was their 10th anniversary party, one surmises they were formed in the go-go 90s, when the business world still clung longingly to the go-go 80s and the ridiculous business jargon of paradigms being shifted using outside-of-the-box thinking that will integrate our core competencies with synergistic implementation.

the par-tay was at the splendid Room of Balls in Clarendon, which meant we were just a short drive away (thankfully). we gussied ourselves up at Chez Cate, trying on gowns JUST BECAUSE WE HAD ENOUGH GOWNS AVAILABLE TO TRY A BUNCH ON. that’s right, there was an over abundance of gowns between the two of us, and this is NOT because we attend formal affairs often. it’s simply because we’re girls, and we will take any chance we get to have a fancy dress. or maybe it’s just me.

anyhoo, my lady friend wore a darling plum coloured sparkly number, and i sported the burgundy and black frock that i got for the inaugural ball. after dresses were donned and hair was straightened, we eensed across the new skate rink that was where the sidewalk used to be and headed to Chez Groodthings to drop off a car and chat with Mère Groodthing. we took pictures and chatted, and it was pleasantly relaxing, as all trips there are.

and then we were off to the event! while driving in four-inch heels is no picnic, it’s easier than attempting to enter or disembark the driver’s seat of my vehicle with a full gown, heels, and long coat on. but after some rustling of crinoline, i managed to wedge myself in again and made our way down Route 50. after a period of time i realized that i once again confused Route 50 with 29, and thankfully turned off into Arlington before we ended up in DC. a brief trip up Wilson Blvd, a circle of the block (or two), and we arrived at a parking space just a couple blocks away, then hoofed it over to the Room of Balls.

they had a fancy light-up arch with the company name on it, and a 10-foot red carpet, and two bouncers hassling some dude who lost something on a previous night. oh and there were two 5-foot lengths of velvet rope on either side of the carpet, and if the bouncer wasn’t talking to you you had to be OFF the carpet. we overheard this poor guy telling bouncer #1 that he just wanted to talk to the coat check guys, please... then bouncer #2 came back out and checked off Ms. Groodthing and Guest and we were IN, leaving poor lost-thing man to the whims of the bouncers.

then there was a fancy ice sculpture at the entrance, which i totally didn’t notice until later (how do you miss a four-foot high ice sculpture you walked less than five feet from?). but i was preoccupied on making it to the coat check (down the stairs, says Mr. Bouncer), so that ice sculpture was just an obstacle. we headed down and checked our coats (and polka-dotted them, too), and said hi to the first familiar find of the evening, a asian gentleman waiting for his wife by the restrooms. he was actually known by my date, as were approximately four other people that evening (did i mention she’s quite new at the company?) so it was imperative to say hi to everyone that was recognizable.

up the stairs we trotted after that brief awkward exchange, and promptly headed for the bar. i was so intent on finding some liquor to aid my enjoyment that i ventured too far ahead and had to turn back upon hearing my name called by my date, who had stumbled upon her immediate boss. another awkward exchange, not as awkward as the last, left me unsure where i should be looking and if i should be talking more. and then the first food pusher of the evening arrived.

the food pushers were my favorite part. each server carried a plate or pushed a cart of canapés or hors d'oeuvres, and should a guest (GOD FORBID) refuse their offering, no matter how politely, he or she seemed to take personal offense to the slight of their miniature servings. our first encounter consisted of a man gently wedging between two of us with a “pardon me, miss” every second, then a firm statement of “Proscuitto.” i wasn’t sure if it was an offer or a demand, but we all gently demurred and he dejectedly removed his plate from our midst.

the rest of the evening was filled with more of his kind, though they were mostly more kindly with their offers. puréed red pepper soup, spanikopita triangles, proscuitto on breadsticks, lemon beef, ceviche, little apple pastry puffs, and more! every thing was delicious.

the evening wore on, but pleasantly enough. we watched (rather, listened to) an award presentation and mocked some of the more interesting looking folks, like the short dark-haired woman with way too much boobage. she didn't even have it pushed up, she wore it somewhat bound against her chest, but still her boobs were sized to belong to a woman thrice her stature. her dress was satiny red, and her hair was a black, smooth, bob, lending her the air of a burlesque dancer in her off-hours.

there was a fine mix of ditzes, classy dames, old creeps, and gentlemen, but after hellos were exchanged with everyone the Mademoiselle knew, we gathered our coats (we were the first to leave!) and departed the event.

and the moment you've all been waiting for, the pikshurs!

the gubmint took mah brain-waves

i am the only person manning the unmanned office today. yes, it is ironic that we need someone to answer the phone and get the door here at Robots. i wouldn’t mind at all, truly, for it is quiet and dark and i can sing out loud and eat leftover party foods, except: it is insanely busy.

i came in a few minutes after 9 a.m., and there were already two messages on the operator line. there has been a phone call every 20 minutes. i had to get the door for the print delivery man, the mailman, the ups man, the fedex man, and a sales man. and it all happens at once. a woman from scandinavia called, and in the middle of that call the delivery man rang the bell. twice i’ve been on the phone and heard the beep of another incoming call. it’s not even 2 p.m. and EVERYONE has questions.

now, i was warned there would be a lot of questions. i was told many people would wonder about the event that everyone else is attending. and there are a lot of questions, except that only TWO of them have been about the aforementioned event.

and my favorite part of the day, so far, is the fellow who works for the government who would like to attend the conference. except he didn’t register in advance, so we only have on-site registration. and he needs an invoice before the accounting person will pay. except we don’t do invoices, just receipts. so i sent his call over to the registration desk. a bit later i got a call from my Robot Director, asking me to e-mail him the on-site registration form. which i did, and just after i press send, i get a call from the nice accounting lady that this man is trying to make pay for this conference. i mistakenly explained to her what was going on, and she said it wouldn’t work, she needed an invoice, and after a bit of unnecessary explanation on her part about why she needs an invoice, not a receipt, i started backing out of the conversation, telling her i didn’t know what he was going to do, i understand, etc.

she was very nice, mind you, not angry at me at all. but she was clearly annoyed with the fellow who was attempting to register, and she told me all about what options she gave him, and how he waited to the last minute, and she told him that wouldn’t work, and this wouldn’t work, and she would just send it right back, and if he didn’t have an invoice he just wouldn’t be able to go to the training.

i said i was sorry i couldn’t be more helpful, and she said thank you, and that was blissfully the end of the Tragic Tale of the Government Accounting Woman and the Man Who Didn’t Register In Advance.

awesomely awesome.

so i did go to the gym today, and that may or may not be a tale for another time, but something happened that ranks up in my top ten of Funniest Things to Actually Happen in My Actual Real Life.

i went with my male co-worker, and we got the 5-minute tour, and changed in our respective locker rooms, worked out... then i said i had enough and went to wash & change, whilst my co-worker continued his work-out.

i went to my locker, took off my shirt (but not my sport bra), and decided to head over to the scale, which is around the corner by the sinks. weighed myself and went around the corner to get my clothes -- and who is standing there, winded, with a water bottle, just lookin’ around like nothing? my male co-worker.

i said (partially squealed) Hey! You’re in the wrong one! and he looked at me. i could almost see the thought process as he looked, recognized me, got confused, and said “What? You’re kidding me!” to which i replied, bemused, No! he got flustered, kind of covered his eyes and dashed out...

it’s the kind of bone-headed thing i would do, and i might have been mortified, too, except i happened to be clothed.