there’s just so much going on...

in the past few years i’ve been learning to relax. this is a challenge for me, and i realize some who know me will find that... well, shocking. cos i’m so laid back, ya know? but the truth is, i’m uptight about being laid back. yeah. go figure.

so it’s been a struggle to have some free time and NOT do something productive. and one might ask, why is this necessary? being productive is great! it’s necessary because it was breaking me. i’m just not energetic enough to be constantly moving, going, doing. so the pattern is like this: things are good, calm, and i finally feel my stress levels are manageable. buuut then i’m not really doing anything, this is a little boring, i want to try something new, and anyway shouldn’t i be doing something productive and useful? of course i should. alas, the house is clean and the errands are run... so maybe i should . soon i’ve over-committed and thus become over-stressed because everything needs my time and energy and i just cannot, i say CANNOT deal with any of it and i’m going to cry -- and then, i reduce my commitments to manageable levels, and all is well. i can breathe again, things get calm, good, steady...

and so on.

once i finally realized my folly, i made a concerted effort to stop setting myself up. and mostly it has worked. i still end up with “when it rains, it pours” weeks, but i’ve learned to appreciate and utilize (oh, yes i did just use “utilize”) the time in between. and so i don’t get as much craft or music stuff done... they were supposed to be hobbies, and fun, and they’re not fun if i feel pressure (even only from myself).

so last night i bought a kitting machine from a nice man in Olney. because, you know, i needed something new... :)